8/11: To Have and To Hold From This Day Forward...

... has a whole new meaning now.

It wasn't until Saturday that Ryan and I got to finally hold Mila Rose. We waited 4 days for that moment. It was overwhelming. It felt real. Finally!

Every day Mila progressed, passed another test, was cleared for something, was approved to have another line removed from her tiny little body. And every day we waited for the other shoe to drop. We stayed neutral. Trying to be happy in the moment but not overly excited that some bad news would crush us.

By Sunday, all her lines had been removed, she "graduated" to an open bassinet and was moved to a different room. We could even dress her in onesies now! They were now prepping us to take her home- filling us up with tips, teaching us how to administer her meds, filling out paperwork, etc. It was a little surreal. Could this really be happening? (And how do we find any comfort in taking home a baby wth a heart defect and not totally freak out at every move, sound, flinch?)

Monday evening, Mila was discharged. The drive home was nice- Ryan avoided the highway and drove like a total gentleman (completely different from the drives when he was trying to help induce my labor!). That first night was filled with laughs and "I don't knows" and it felt SOOO GOOD!

We've been home with her together all week. She made it through her first pediatrician appointment with flying colors. Tomorrow, Friday, we meet with the Cardiologist again and see if there's any more clarity on her plan. We remain in our "cautiously optimistic" zone. We have to. We know her surgery won't be as complicated but it is open-heart surgery and we know we will have to face it at some point in the next week or 90 days.

For now, we have and hold her :)